Can I just say something? I am really not having a good time with this cancer diet & testing thing this year. I feel extremely cross about it all and I know that's not a good thing! But I'm having a hard time just doing what I have to do for these tests. Ugh. And now do you know what? I've found the last few days that I've begun bargaining with God. "Just make me better and I'll do whatever." or "Just make it better and I promise to always be faithful to You." I recognize this as fear, but it doesn't mean that I feel better about things. I also recognize the importance of testing this year because it, really, could go either way! If it's good, then I'm in the clear for a long time (5 years). If it's bad, then I'm looking at doing this diet & testing business for at least the next two years. So, it's just kind of nervewracking for me. Then, last night as I'm laying in bed, I started thinking about the "clincher" of it all...my blood tests that will happen next Thursday. So, at lunch today I went home and looked at the past year's test results to try and remember the "magic" number and where I wanted to be. I have the blood work done at 7:45 next Thursday morning and I will for sure be able to get the results on Friday morning, if not some time on Thursday. If they say that they'll be done in an hour, I will wait around to get them. If they say it'll be a half day, then I'll have to wait until Friday. But if that test comes back good, then I know I'm in the clear.
And re-discovering all that information kicked the bargaining into a higher gear for me. *sigh* I do realize that the bargaining is a normal part of "the process". And even though I know that it's a false sense of confidence that I'm receiving for doing it, I still find myself doing it.
So, at this point, I think that I just need to start focusing on the prayer of "Just help me to have the strength for whatever Your will may be."
And, today, all of this has kind of put me into a funk. Thankfully, though, I see it's only temporary and I know that I will feel better soon. I just wanted to write about some of my feelings today. I know that some of you understand exactly what I'm feeling. :) And with that, I will go back to working on what's right in front of me at this moment and I'll try to forget about the rest. That's about the best I can do right now, huh? :)
6 comments:
Jen, wish I could be there and give you a hug. Sounds like you are really afraid that it's not going to be results you want. Sending you good thoughts.
Jen, you're always so honest! I feel for your fears! Just have faith and patience. I'm hoping all the tests are great and if not...you'll know it's for the best and that you'll get through it!
Doesn't all that sound trite and easy for someone else to say? Sorry.
I really think you have a great attitude and that you can make it through anything that comes your way.
I'm thinking of you!! Myrna
Jen, our thoughts are with you. See you tomorrow.
J & E
Hang in there, Jen. Waiting isn't easy because it gives us time to think and worry. There is a saying that says, "It is OK to worry as 90% of what we worry about doesn't happen". I'm betting that on the other side of the "cloud" will be the "sun". Take care, Linda
Chin up! You can make it through, I have confidence in you!
I didn't bother to go back and find the posted where you made your "call" for recipes. So I'm putting it right here. Here's how I like to cook my veggies in the spring, summer, and fall. Cut the fresh vegetables of your choice up into bite-size pieces. Put them on a piece of tinfoil about 1'x1', and I usually make the pile a couple inches high. Add olive oil and the spices of your choice, then cover with another piece of tinfoil and crimp the two pieces together to make a pouch/pack of veggies. Put on the grill on medium/high for about half an hour. If you don't have a grill, maybe the oven could substitute? You can even do several different pouches simultaneously to get different flavors. It's a great way to cook a bunch at one time and have enough for the rest of the week. Sorry this got long. Just returning the favor. ;-)
Mel
Post a Comment