Three things I've learned from my "100 things" list.

So, I posted 100 random things about myself last week and since then, I’ve learned a few things. Quite a few things, actually, and it’s been a wonderful experience (I told you that it was quite therapeutic to do those kind of lists!!! :)

A couple of my “learning” experiences actually came in the form of an e-mail. This first one made me chuckle.

First Lesson
In my "100 things" list, I wrote, “85. My favorite colors in my wardrobe have become red and pink. 86. But not together. :) 87. I love yellow, too, and I wear it. But it doesn't look good on me. It kind of makes me look pale. :(“

Then, I got the following in an e-mail: Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves? Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?

HAHAHAHAHA!!! I loved that!!!! :) I will no longer care if yellow makes me look pale. I will wear it anyway! And, red…well, I’ve always worn red and I really enjoy it, so that won't change. :)

Second Lesson
Again, in my "100 things" list, I wrote, “25. I can tell my deepest darkest fears like this (writing) and not think twice about it. But put me face to face with someone and ask the same thing and it's likely that you'll never know the truth. 26. When it comes to a confrontational situation, I really can't tell people what I really think or feel. I have yet to walk through my fears on this one. It's just too terrifying! But...some day I will walk through that fear. Some day.”

The same e-mail that I wrote about in the first lesson also had the bit of information for this second lesson. That e-mail said: Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?

Yeah. Reading that just made me feel…more confident about at least starting to walk through the fear of saying what I want to say to people (we’re talking about in a reasonable situation and not in a moment of heated discussion. :). It’s true, though. I think that people DO value more what you say to their face versus in writing. But I have to say that it is still easier to often say it in writing. :) Anyway, I will move forward and grow and I will practice this...I will – as I often hear parents telling their little children – use my words. :o)

Third Lesson
This next lesson was HUGE for me. In my list, I wrote, “15. Sometimes I still get really mad over my having had cancer. I get angry over what I feel that it stole from me. I'll never be as carefree or as youthful as I was before being diagnosed. It stole that from me. 30. I really do miss the girl that I was before cancer. She always had fun and was full of life. 31. Now, she just seems to live with a lot of fear.”

I was having quite an enjoyable time with some friends this past Friday night, but in the middle of it all, I thought, “I don’t want to be that person that I was before being diagnosed with cancer.” That was it. That was my revealing moment!

And since then, this is what I’ve thought about. I had SUCH a fun time back in the day before having had cancer. I really did!! And I’ve often missed the person that I was at that time! But you know what I learned the other night? I still AM that person! I still have a great time and I still feel carefree and full of fun! But things are just different. Not in a bad way, of course, but I am different. I’m not the same as I was in that 22nd year of my life and that’s OK!!! And, yeah, I do have a little bit more that I fear and that I battle with, but since Friday, I have just felt that I will deal with it slowly and it will get better! I firmly believe that! And in regards to cancer stealing something from me, a friend just told me the other day, “Jen, cancer didn’t steal something from you! It just made you let go of some things.” That is very true. And by letting go of some things during this experience, I have certainly grown.

I wish that I could completely express just what I have felt through that little "Aha!" moment, but I don’t know that I can get across just how BIG and how REAL it was for me. It’s been wonderful.

And, lastly, I have to say that I have really appreciated some of the e-mails/comments that I’ve received from people in regards to how they see my friendship in their lives. It’s been quite touching to be encouraged by that. It’s been humbling, actually. You are all so wonderful!!

And, that’s what I’ve learned. :)