Musings

I've been pondering what to write about for a few days now but since there is nothing GRAND going on, I've just been pondering and not writing. :)

Most of you know that I am a big self-improvement seeker. I love reading articles, books, hearing speakers, etc., when it comes to the topic of self improvement. It's quite fascinating, really. What good does it do, though, if you never DO something about it?!? Yeah. This is where my musings have started.

I'm a list maker. I'm GREAT at making lists! A few times a year, I sit down and do some reflecting and I make a list of what I want to change or improve or grow in. Then the next time I feel that way, I take my old lists and make new ones. I'll add to or remove things from old lists or maybe I'll just start from scratch. I love making lists! :o)

Going off of that, I've been spending time thinking about what's really changed in me. It's not such an easy task, I'm learning. It seems like the more I ponder such things the more I feel like I'm just not sure of what has really changed! However, there are a couple of things that stick out and I find that I focus on those items the most. They go like this:

1) I don't have control over life. Sure, I have control over day-to-day decisions and how I respond/reach out to God but I cannot control the big picture events. According to dictionary.com, "control" is defined as "the act or power of controlling; regulation; domination or command". Yeah. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I learned right then and there that I didn't have much control over the big picture events. Anyone who has received devastating news (or otherwise) knows just what I am talking about. I've since realized that I also don't have much control over people or things, either. I am thankful, though, that through it all, I am learning that I can control how I respond to various situations.

I do continue to be amazed, however, at how quickly (once life is all good and I'm in the "safe place" again!) I fall into the mindset that I am in control again. It makes for some rough times. Some heartbreaking times, really. But that leads me to the second biggest thing that I've learned.

2) The best outlook to have is to just take things one day at a time. Let. Things. Go. Focus on the now and let go of the rest! It's amazing how freeing it can be when you truly let go and let God.

Obviously no one is perfect and while we will learn lessons about control or about other big things, it's not to say that we will NEVER battle that thing again. But we can be thankful, I think, for the bit of growth that we've experienced with the first situation we faced that taught us that lesson. It does make the idea of following through easier the next time, too.

It doesn't necessarily make us willing, though, does it? :)