Things really have been going good, though. I had a few rough days after I left WI and I was just feeling sad. Luckily, a good friend of mine was passing through town a few days after I got back to WY and a good long visit with her over some coffee really did the trick to pull me out of my sadness. I have been glad for that visit ever since! :)
As for work, I've been working lots of overtime to GET caught up and then to GET caught up AGAIN!! It's kind of frustrating some days, but in all reality, it IS job security! :) Thankfully, though, I really like the work I do, so I don't necessarily mind being at work, but there are moments when I'd like just a leetle break! haha! :) I think the thing that becomes the most "trying" is that students are becoming more and more DE-pendent on people and on having others do things FOR them because they just don't want to take the time to figure it out for themselves. So, a lot of my day is spent saying the same thing(s) over and over and just trying to teach them how to help themselves. It's like being a parent! haha! :)
Anyway...as you and most of the internet world know, I turned 30 last month and it's certainly been...different. It's silly to think that you go to bed one night as a certain person with a certain outlook on life only to wake up the next morning and find that you feel differently about things, but honestly, that's really how I've felt about a few things since turning 30. It's been kind of "freeing," I guess. One of the things that I've been thinking a lot about this year are my new year's resolutions. Now, I don't know that I've ever actually completely followed through on my resolutions, but I do enjoy making them and writing them down and pondering on them throughout the year. I guess I'm more about LIFE changes than new year's changes, you know? So, as I've turned 30 and as I've really thought about life, here are my two main LIFE resolutions that I've come up with for this year...
- The idea is that you become more "set" in your ways as you grow older, so I want to really start focusing NOW on being the person that I want to be in another 30 years. That way, when I'm "set" in my ways, I'll be set in things that are good, with a countenance that's full of love, kindness, friendliness, helpfulness, sincerity, honesty, simplicity, quietness, peacefulness and so on. (The list could go on for ages, really, but you get what I mean.) There's so many things that I see in life and that gets me to thinking that, "I don't want to be that way when I'm older!" and so I've decided to start BEING the way I want to be NOW so that when I am older, I'll be exactly the way I hoped to be. Does that make sense? I hope so. :)
- The second thing that I've really come to learn about myself is that I really live in fear. A lot. Since being diagnosed with cancer years ago, I have completely realized my tendency to gravitate toward fear with many situations and experiences in life. What I haven't realized until the last six months or so is that I've allowed fear to take such a big hold on my life that it dictates choices and decisions that I make in my life on a regular basis. Without a doubt, fear envelopes me and controls me and it's only been recently that I've really come to understand its hold on my life. And do you know what brought that up? A grad student was talking to me about how big her Biology class was on campus and my first thought was, "I wonder if she ever thinks about some person coming in with a gun into that classroom..." The answer? It never crossed her mind. Unfortunately, it was my first thought and my internal reaction was fear. And it just got me to thinking about how many times I do that to myself! My initial reaction is toward the negative with a fear of what could possibly happen that it has turned my standard response into one of avoidance. What a great life THAT will be, huh? Living life in fear of what could happen and ultimately working to avoid "the bad" by just staying home and not venturing out anywhere. Yeah...a really fulfilling life, eh? And so I really want to start focusing on that fear and on combating it in a positive, intentional manner. I want to start looking that fear in the face and intentionally taking a step toward (or into) that fear and conquering it. I don't want my intial thoughts to revolve around fear anymore, but, instead, I want them to revolve around LIFE and around the wonderful experiences THAT I'M HAVING versus revolving around all the bad that COULD happen. So...here's to a more filling journey that revolves more around faith and believing and less around fear...much less. :)
